Whoa

Im so sorry

so your uncle is your real dad?

Wow.

You might want to talk to him about this whole thing .

In my opion , at least.

But do what ever you want too.

it'sso  i don't knwo.

I think he's jsut sorry.

Maybe whiled he was doing it.. he didn't understand who much it was hurting you.

And maybe whiled you'v'e been away he's realized everything he's done was horrible.

I mean you don't have to give him a chance but maybe it's best to mvoe on and not hold that grudge, it's not healthy for one and in the end it'llmake you both feel a bit better.

Him more then you i guess.

And if you don't want to go to the guy everyday for therapy... i think you should tell your uncle or guidance counsler

wow! thats so strange.

maybe he feels bad for all the crap he did to you.

Ireally hate who these kids are treating you. it's not fair.

it's not right.

Hi, I know how you feel, well not exactly but pretty close. I got picked on a lot at school, I went through hell. I was pregnant in the 8th grade and my twins were born stillborn and the whole entire school picked on me about it- it hurt so bad i put a girl in hospital and got expelled. Stat Strong ok. Remember to always be confident within yourself.

Hugs

xx Melody

omg i'm like so glad ur home again. i've stopped cutting too. *woop woop* for both of us... aww well done chick.

peace

luvz

x

Hey, just keep trying as hard as you can. But honestly I live in a military town, have abunch of friends who are military and have even dated a few. It doesn't matter how perfect you do something. They're still going to yell and verbally abuse you, because they're trying to make you deal well under stress supposedly. It's a tactic. You get stressed, but eventually you learn to deal and hopefully you lean to do things better and faster the way they want it. Plus most ppl entering aren't in as good a shape as they could be so working you physically and using it as punishment helps you to get stronger emotionally and physically. Just stick with it bud. Try your hardest, do what your asked, if you can go one step further and do it a little better DO IT. Just don't ask for credit. They'll still see it. It's always harsh at the beginning but if you keep trying I think it'll get a little better, and of course with regards to your physique and them being hard on you. That's sh*tty. All I can say is eat as much as you can, and try and build as much muscle as you can in the next month or so and they'll stop ragging on you about it. I know it's easier said then done but that's my advice.

celrian

A little hard to read, but man, I am really sorry to hear about that, bro. I hope things get better. It sounds damn tough.

Take care of yourself out there, and stay strong.

- John

and remember, things like this build character

when u look back at this years from now, you'll realize it made you who you are, and i bet that will be an amazing person

Be strong, you'll make it through.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I'll pray for you.

Keep your chin up.

-Courtney-

You may be stronger than you think because you have been able to get through this.
<3 Daisy

Wow. That does sound difficult. Stay strong though. I'm sure you'll pull through it!

: )

Also when they ask you ?'s remember they dont know your life story... so they have no reason to say anything to you... Forget your past and live for today... and only today... well kiddo... keep your head high... Stay Strong....

It seems as if everything will be okay ...

woh...that looks way longer from the outside...

a way too long comment then a double post...sorry if i'm a really annoying commenter!

^_^

you have a very strong character.  i'm abstinate and sometimes i get heat for it but nothing compared to what you go through.  i really admire you for keeping your values in such a hostile environment (i've read some of your other entries too).  maybe it seems like the whole world's against you because everyone you're in direct contact with tends to give you trouble but i just want you to know you're not alone.  there are other people out there who uphold what they believe in despite the opinions of others too.  i'm not as strong as you but i hope that one day i can be.

for now, maybe i could recommend some things? of course i don't expect you to follow my advice but i just thought that maybe because they have helped me in the past with similiar issues that you might be interested.  one thing that might help you keep up your resolve is reading biographies or accounts of the doings of great people from our history.  learning about the things that great people like the saints, abraham lincoln, and various philosophers have accomplished and overcome in their lives helps me to feel not so alone because a lot of these figures were actually ostrasized (sp-sorry) during their lives.  i strongly believe that being the only one you know who does or believes certain things does not make them wrong.  just look at galileo and his heliocentric system theory.  or the flat earth concept.  but maybe that's a little boring to you? i don't know i guess the general idea is just exposing yourself to ideas outside of your immediate sphere of influence.

i think you should also inform yourself about sex.  not through porn or anything like that but just in general from reliable health sites.  i believe it's important to be knowlegeable about things you are passionate about.  even if it's things you are abstaining from.  perhaps especially--i get a lot of 'well you don't know what you're talking about' when i dicuss my decision with someone of an alternate opinion--so i have to prove that i do.  another important part of this is being aware of your reasons for making the decision (i can't quite remember if you actually said you were abstainate or not but i think i remember reading that? at least i got that impression...) but it already sounds like you've got a good grip on that already.

even if you later decide to change your attitudes towards any aspect of your life, getting a concrete footing on your opinions through research and reflection will help you be less bothered by the tormentings of others. remember that, they also have their reasons for believing and acting the way that they do.  so try not to be too harsh on them for their choices.  there can be no denying that their treatment of you is wrong but it sounds like they don't really understand you.  maybe they never will but if they can come to understand that your lifestyle is a deliberate personal choice and that it is none of their business then perhaps you can come to co-exist reasonably peacefully.  being logical and straightforward will help.  when talking about your virginity and if you decide to tell them about your cutting.  people will tend to respect you more if you are straight and reasonable.  there is no need to become defensive.  or to lie.  you are the way you are.  if you choose to tell them something about yourself then simply be honest, if not, then that is your right. 

lastly, it is very important to remember that they do not have the right to look down on you for your lifestyle if it is not hurting anyone.  if that is their response then they are not worthy of your concern.

uh...this ended up being quite a bit longer than planned...sorry for the length! i kind of went off into a rant i apologize...

(oh yeah and thats horrible, them talking about their girlfriends bodies like that!)

i have been reading your diary for a while.

these people are soo messed up!!

Probably should just tell them the truth.

I wish i could hit them for you. Jerks.

I just happened across your diary. If I may ask how old are you?
~Mystic

cherry is a virgin

cherry popped - ost virginity

dont watch porn

u seem sensible

You'll be alright resist the urges, and find someone to confide in that you can actually see. Keep posting updates, but find someone close to tell also. It can help in the long run. Stick it out. be tough. Everyone is here for you.

Courtney

well sugar maybe you both time to get to know each other ur both going thru the sae thing kinda .

let me know how it goes

much love to you

x-x-x

good luck man, i can't imagine going to a military school.  To me it's one thing to get paid and put up with military bullsh*t, but completely different not to get paid. 

[Verloren]

oh that is like so . aww im so sorry that you feel like that. i do it too, but haven't landed in hospital, hopefully never will. you should NEVER blame yourself ! cos it makes you feel even worse, then you get paranoid that the next time you open your mouth you'll hurt someone. i swear to god if i ever met your brother he is GOING DOWN !!!!!! he shouldn't say that sort of sh*t to you, he should HELP you !

learn to chill and accept that some things just aren't your fault

peace out

x-x-x

Oh my god, I didn't realize that there were more people like me. I used to self mutlilate myself, and I landed in the hospital 4 times. I finally got help, thank god. Please realize that people out there do care about you and don't want any harm to come to you. It seems like your uncle really cares about you. Please get better. There is hope.

best Wishes

LibraVamp

The way you talk about this guy I would think that you like him. Or you are atleast attracted to him.

hmmm. I think that you just want a little bit of attention, and cutting yourself, is not the right way to get it... so you should find something that you are go at, for example, do some paintings, or music, and show the world that you have talent :) you are going to feel better with yourself when you realized that you really have talent, you just have to find it...deep in yourself

Is this a poem or did you really do this?

ok this may be soooooooooo dumb but r u a guy? coz my best frend is called Jacqueline but we call her Jack, and my boyfrend is also called Jack :S and i was just wundrin!

btw yr frend chris seems a gr8 guy!